


Melancholia

by o0JayWolf0o



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: ?? - Freeform, Angst, Blease don't read if any of those trigger u, Child Abuse, Evan Hansen's dad was probably abusive, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Sad, Suicidal Thoughts, Trees, attempted suicide, idk - Freeform, thank, uh, uhhh yea
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-27
Updated: 2017-04-27
Packaged: 2018-10-24 15:13:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10744266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/o0JayWolf0o/pseuds/o0JayWolf0o
Summary: "You.. You would hate me, if you knew what I did. Last summer.""I would never hate you!""Yeah, well maybe you would. Because.. I neverfell."





	Melancholia

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE read the tags
> 
> lots of trigger warnings
> 
> this was my interpretation of what evan meant when he said "you'd hate me if you knew what i did" and he would say "i didn't _fall..._ "

Evan shuddered, hands trembling as another wave of cafard washed over him. He fell to his knees, clutching his shirt’s fabric in a tight ball. His breathing slowed and he curled into a tight ball on the grass, letting out a dry sob. He didn’t want to live through.. through this pain. This torture. He had no friends, he had bad anxiety and always embarrassed himself, he was practically the laughing stock of the entire school. 

What was the point?

He was going to die later on anyway. Everything he did didn’t matter. He didn’t matter. He would be forgotten. Nobody would even notice if he disappeared, would they?

He rolled over, on his back, and let a few tears slide down his face and over his ears. His breathing became unsteady and he struggled to inhale as his eyes clenched shut. He pushed himself off the ground and wiped the few tears on his face away before fresh ones dribbled down and onto his clothes. 

He remembered his father, and how he’d watched him and his stepmom's marriage. He remembered holding their children for the first time.

And then he remembered the abuse.

As a child, his father never cared. He would hit Evan when Heidi wasn’t around. He would tell Evan how useless he was. He would go so far as to shatter glasses and blame it on Evan. 

He remembered the night they fought, the night dad hit mom. The night dad left. 

He hated his father.

He stood up, legs wobbly, and grazed his skin with his hand to get rid of the fast-falling tears he felt.

He turned and saw a tree. Looking around, he knew nobody was around. He hastily grabbed the lowest branch and pulled himself up, the sun on his back being shaded by the bright green leaves of the tree. He looked down and planted his foot on a sturdy branch, pushing himself up higher and higher.

He knew what he had to do.

He whimpered and took a moment to breathe. He was really doing this, wasn’t he? After all this time, he was finally going to do it.

He looked down once more and determined he was nearly there. He climbed a few more branches until they became thin and his head broke free from the sea of leaves he’d been in. The sun twinkled down happily, dan on his grief-filled face with joy. 

Evan turned back, feeling the branch tremble under his feet. He closed his eyes, letting water stream from them, and let the twig he rests on give way.

He was falling.

He hit a branch and pain blossomed through his leg, and he hit another and he heard a ‘crack’ as his wrist became dislocated. He opened his eyes in confusion when he heard a scream rang out. Who was screaming?

And then he realized it was he who was screaming. 

Lights danced in his eyes as the wind whipped past, blinding him of any other noise other than his shrieks.

And then his vision when dark.

He’s on the ground. 

He looks up, and around.

Nobody is there.

He’s in so much pain.

_ He needs help. _

But now, it was far too late.

 

He was rendered unconscious.

  
  


And nobody came to help him as he lay in a pool of his own, sickly blood.

**Author's Note:**

> feedback/comments are always appreciated
> 
> my [tumblr](o0jaywolf0o.tumblr.com)


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